Le Temps des Yoyos

Landlord

2011-09-17T07:42:00.000-07:00

Have not been here for ages, but just discovered that I need this space to talk to myself about things it is difficult to balance to people you meet from time to time.
I have no idea how it got so far with the landlord, but he is becoming far too insisting now that I am leaving. Provoking, calling me conservative. Maybe I am, I will see in Geneva if I find myself in my element.
It crossed my mind that finally why not, but the timing is always kind of awkward. Anyway, today I hushed him off with all clever rubbish, being this "I know it all" type. Well I will give it a second thought during my last week.

What Art Can Do

2011-01-12T07:30:00.000-08:00

'You asked what art can do
I wanted to write you that it
can make a spark flames
and a puddle ocean
a river tears
a room a world
a cry song

and it can tell a story of a time
and it can slow time

some love art because it's a really good mirror
in which something - a place or an era perhaps - is naked
or vivid
I mean
seen like it wasn't seen before

others love the art thing
because it brings postcards of the world transformed
redrawn or on its head
strange or stronger
worse or better
and people need those kinds of views on what isn't,
just as much as they need
a good view on what is

I meant to write you that art
can close a wound
and open a legal case
that it can stare further than a telescope
go faster than Internet and
beat like a loved one's heart

it can bring people together and
of equal and not opposite importance -
it can split them up,
make them doubt or wonder who they came in with
or who they live with
sometimes - watching science TV - I think art
it's like the large hadron supercollider of the soul,
other times it's just making people laugh
no shame in that

I wanted to tell you that art is loved as a hammer
because of how well it breaks lies and speaks truths
knocks down obstacles
the Incredible Hulk it is or the Superman, a good thing to have on your side

it can say something
many things
any things
can say much
or little in the best way of things
and I think it has value not always bound up with price

when I was 22 I first moved to Sheffield
and one spring in the high rises near us
someone had sprayed on their window, high up
I LOVE APRIL
and I thought that was art. Very beautiful. Very wise.

And in case anyone is wondering, art is not a servant of any government
nor of any policy, nor of touristicism
nor a servant of money
nor an icing on a cake
it's more the heart of the matter than the wrapping paper
or something to do afterwards
and it does not belong to liars

Some years back, I went to see a Derek Jarman retrospective
at the Serpentine Gallery in London
I came out of that all fired up.
I was alive again and I hadn't even noticed I might have been dead
I was thinking a lot about that special place of both art and reality that he opened up,
how valuable that was
and I was thinking
that in future we might have to be a lot kinder
and a lot angrier.

That's what art can do.
And people should be careful with it.
Otherwise they may wake up one day and have to live alone
With no hammer of change, no truth, no laughs,
No bringing together or wondering apart
With no reflections, no possibility to reflect
Just living alone with only their ghosts and their ideologies muttering at them.'

Tim Etchells, Artist, writer, performance maker, Forced Entertainment

Houellebecq

2010-12-07T14:00:00.000-08:00

I do not know what he was like when the French started to hate him, but I really like him as he is right now. There is such a directness, even if it is sadish, in him which is rare in France. Maybe he has reached certain peace in himself

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ADQ1LGxn-aI&feature=related

Arts Administration

2010-12-03T12:13:00.000-08:00

I sneaked away from work as a revenge for my extra hours and went to Ivan Sygoda's arts administration course. A man who 35 years ago founded Pentacle, an “incubator” for emerging dance companies in New York.

There were actually a lot of tips that make a daily life of a born administrator like me ☺ Plus great quantity of personal charm and wish to chat away. But he made a good point of selling and networking as the basis of this business. If a local newspaper puts a line on an artist on their last page, make a whole deal out of it. Besides the knack of story telling is essential because common people need some narrative around modern dance to digest it. Just like adding “a women falling from the stairs” title to an abstract grey painting makes you look at it from a different angle…

But imagine 30 years of career! It makes you just a wee bit too smooth in your game. That is why I keep on changing work every 3 years, hehee. Well, there is all this polished professionalism and even if he highlighted that he sells the artists minds and values vs their work, you could not help wondering if it is not his own mind he sells them. I mean your good and bad get pretty fixed. His smoothness was in contrast with the dance company administrators attending the course, most of them Flemish. They were somehow wild and natural on Sygoda’s background. When they showed pieces from their companies, it reminded me of the Flemish short films night at De Markten. Such a crazy stuff - a man with long thin legs waking and talking in a green penis costume with jazz signers and a guitar player at the background. I could see Sygoda being taken aback, and he actually did become wild being fierce critical. But he had reason too, for instance, saying that the promotion DVDs just showed fragments of the play and never the full scene. True, it started with focusing on the penis head man, then jiggled to jazz signers and then had a close up of a famous Flemish woman guitarist. You never had them on the same picture, so you got an impression they all had their own business to mind, a row of snapshots of colourful personalities.

As often with meeting people, you learn about yourself as well. Sygoda told me no need to be apologetic because it does not sell. I chose to take it personally because it is true. I even do not know why I behave apologetic, I do not have any particular karma debt or secret murder…

Anyways, as I dreaded, the modern dance is not the world of glamour and beauty. It is hard to make art and even more so to sell it. Though I still think I can help them with some administration.

Let it come, let it go

2010-11-29T13:12:00.000-08:00

Appreciate things as they are... How are you supposed to do it when your job is about being proactive? Finding new options and preventing possible mistakes. In a way job of worrying that things are not as good as they seem and overcoming your limits to search for better. Appriciate this job as it is?

Edge

2010-11-29T11:13:00.000-08:00

"I don't think that most people go to the edge of anything. I don't think they go to the edge of love. I don't think they go to the edge of suffering, of forgiveness, of their intellect. I don't think they go to the edge of anything. Not that they don't have the opportunity to do that..."

from an interview, makes you feel the urge to run to the edge...

Efficiency

2010-11-05T16:11:00.000-07:00

It's midnight... just leaving the office. Finished things... Though not too happy of staying here for double checking minuscule figures in millions Excel sheets.

Found former NY investment banker Mark Thornton who now teaches meditation writing somewhere that:
The only efficiency is happiness.

Boys Town

2010-11-04T04:38:00.000-07:00

Here’s the story of my life: whatever I did wasn’t good enough, anything I figured out I figured out too late, and whenever I tried to help I made things worse…

"Boys Town" by Jim Shepard

Not that I feel that way...:)

Talk to People

2010-11-03T09:26:00.000-07:00

I wonder how many times I have to revisit the old truth, to accept it as truth...

I exchanged e-mails with an excentric English gentleman. Well, the kind of machine like e-mails I have learned to draft in my work, all very efficient. And then got a far too excentric reply saying that I never bowed in front of him and persuaded him about the changes that I already stated as hard facts. I am slightly exaggerating as often, but still... Besides, phone calls to my boss and not to me...

This morning I got fed up, took the phone and called the professor. Hard to believe but had a great chat with him, found a charming person behind these nasty e-mails and confirmed mutual respect and admiration:) I have met him once before, but sometimes e-mails can ruin your relationships. They are simply not enough. There is no voice, no laughs, no thoughtful pauses. So you are free to interprete and when you are not in the mood, you see all kind of threat behind my polished office style e-mails.

I will talk to people.

French Classics - Vol 2

2010-09-16T03:00:00.000-07:00

Let's psychoanalyse everyone!!! It is not that I do not like psychology and Freud was not a clever man. It can make a whole difference understading yourself a wee bit more.

But I do not feel like tearing myself apart with my employer. "So it is the second time you were ill, tell me how you feel?? How is your motivation? Are you a sensitive woman?" Bah, and all that while confirming that the work is very well done! I almost felt like lying down, only the sofa was missing... Anyway as I am pretty good at defending my inner self, there was a slight change of subject and we ended up analysing the enterprise and my employer...

Writing

2010-09-13T11:46:00.000-07:00

It is too simple the word, the writing itself too, I guess. Just scrible away... I will write for living! So pretentious. So much to say, we all want to write a blog, a book, a complaint to the commune, a note on the fridge. And then get paid for it.

I am in the middle of a great project for which I write... e-mails, reports, communication plans, newsletters. With a lot of useful feedback from arrogant Irish men who do not hesitate telling you when you are bad... Once you overcome the schrizophenia of trying to meet all the wishes, you do learn. I am learning.

Yep, the vocabulary is limited. No way of playing around with scientists' beloved facts. Otherwise you are over the board. But no-one punishes you for balancing on the borderline. I just check their nerve now and then.
One day I will write for living...

Chutzpa

2010-08-08T08:38:00.000-07:00

I do not remember when exactly we started with these Jew jokes in the office, but somehow it has gone out of hands. When J comes out with a new one I am just rolling on the office floor. Finally it is nothing to do with the nation, it has become a big metaphor with all the shared coffees and connotations behind. The word itself is enough to get me rolling.

So when I run into a piece on Jew mentality in a psychology article, I could not help posting it. No joke whatsoever, but a work of research. It also felt right to post it because I have developed a certain obsession with the mentality after all the nice crazy Jewish landladies I have had. It is also eye-opening from the point of view how Marais, one of the nicest quarters of Paris, has been largely bought up by the Jew community.

"In Israel, the societal focus is on rewarding risk-taking by giving full credit to the actor for succeeding, or for even trying, while attributing blame for failure on external circumstances rather than on dispositional inadequacies. Such a culturally sanctioned orientation leads to tendencies to take social and intellectual risks since the individual has nothing to lose by trying: You get the credit for a hit; they get the blame for a miss. Not only does this action orientation reduce shyness, it leads to the development of the Yiddish concept of “chutzpa,” a sense of self-sufficiency that helps to propel one’s self to initiate actions toward desired goals--regardless of talent, merit, seniority, or traditional constraints on risky actions" (Pines & Zimbardo, 1978).

My Polite Reply

2010-08-05T01:52:00.000-07:00

... to buggers:

"Je prefere que vous me dites le temps exact quand vous pouvez m'envoyer ces informations. Je pense que vous savez parfaitement que dans notre travail où les delais sont exigeants il est frustrant de recevoir des reponses qui ne disent rien."

I have learned the art of being all sweet and smiles on the phone, listening to the empty promises, and then with the mail, bafff!, they get their share...

Paris surfing with Silvia

2010-07-27T10:50:00.000-07:00

I obviously need to go to Paris for the week-end to change ideas...

French Classics - Vol 1

2010-07-27T06:49:00.000-07:00

A classical French reply to your seventh inquiry why the f... they have still not sent their part of work?!?!?!

"Je suis en train de finaliser et vous tiens informé."

Meaning that I am working on it and I keep you informed. Which says bloody nothing. It does not even give you much hope because this finalising may go on forever if you do not harass them again. I would be ashamed to send out such a piece of rubbish. They are not. They find it polite to exasperate you out of your mind.

It is the purest form of anger that keeps me motivated...

Happiness: Brief History

2010-07-26T13:38:00.000-07:00

By the same n + 1 journal I mentioned before
http://nplusonemag.com/happiness

Too many good happy things out there in the internet.

Blogging

2010-07-26T13:21:00.000-07:00

Keith Gessen, co-editor of the literary journal n+1:
"Really the same rules apply to blogging as to writing in general - don't do it unless you have to. Or unless you've lost your mind."
quite a mess and fun, his blog:
http://keithgessen.tumblr.com

L'invitation

2010-07-22T07:22:00.000-07:00

Peu m'importe comment tu gagnes ta vie. Je veux savoir quelle est cette chose que tu veux réellement fort que ça te fait mal, et si tu oses rêver le désir de ton coeur.

Peu importe quel âge tu as. Je veux savoir si tu es prêt à risquer de paraître ridicule pour l'amour, pour tes rêves, pour l'aventure d'être en vie.

Peu m'importe quelles planètes sont en conjoncture avec ta lune... Je veux savoir si tu as touché le centre de ta tristesse, si tu t'es ouvert aux trahisons de la vie ou si tu t'es ratatiné ou refermé de peur d'une douleur de plus ! Je veux savoir si tu peux t'asseoir avec la douleur, la mienne ou la tienne, et ne pas bouger pour la cacher ou pour l'estomper ou pour la figer. Je veux savoir si tu peux être avec la JOIE, la mienne ou la tienne ; si tu peux danser sauvagement et laisser l'extase te remplir jusqu'au bout des doigts et des orteils sans crier qu'il faut faire attention, être réaliste ou se rappeler des limitations de l'être humain.

Peu m'importe que l'histoire que tu me racontes soit vraie ou fausse, je veux savoir si tu es capable de décevoir un autre pour être vrai avec toi-même ; si tu peux supporter d'être accusé de trahison et ne pas trahir ton âme à toi. Je veux savoir si tu peux être fidèle et donc être digne de confiance ! Je veux savoir si tu peux voir la beauté quand elle n'est pas belle tous les jours et si tu nourris ta vie à la source de SA présence. Je veux savoir si tu peux vivre avec l'échec, le tien et le mien, et te tenir néanmoins au bord du lac et crier vers l'argent de la pleine lune : «OUI!».

Peu m'importe de savoir où tu habites ni combien tu as d'argent. Je veux savoir si tu peux te lever après une nuit de douleur et de désespoir, épuisé et meurtri, et faire ce qu'il faut pour les enfants.

Peu m'importe qui tu connais ni par quel chemin tu es venu ici. Je veux savoir si tu te tiendras au centre du feu avec moi et si tu ne reculeras pas.

Peu m'importe ce que tu as étudié, ni où ni avec qui. Je veux savoir ce que c'est qui te soutient de l'intérieur quand tout le reste s'est évanoui. Je veux savoir si tu peux être seul avec toi-même et si tu aimes réellement la compagnie que tu fréquentes dans les moments de vide.

Oriah Moutain Dreamer, Ancien Indien

Being Organised

2010-07-16T13:06:00.001-07:00

“Pessimism must be organized”, said Walter Benjamin.

Zadie Smith

2010-07-14T10:28:00.001-07:00

So good Zadie Smith, just falling in love with her and her books. So much warmth and beauty

http://www.charlierose.com/view/interview/721

Hard on others

2010-07-03T12:14:00.000-07:00

I punish people for being nice to me. Strangers for being polite or up to a chat. A woman in the shop explains me that a skirt she sells can be worn on both sides. I bluntly retort: “ah yes and in a one shot you have two skirts, ha ha” with the cynic air as if she had tried to sell me an old toothless horse.
I must be getting old even if I do not mean to.

Posh porn

2010-06-20T10:47:00.000-07:00

Last Thursday, I went to the first literary lunch of the series organised by the European Economic and Social Committee. It was with Helen Walsh, a Liverpool writer of 32 who published a best seller "Brass" when she was 26, a book about drugs, raw sex and anger. A book about her life of "sweet" teens. She is as beautiful as her words are down to earth. Being now in her 30s she must have learned to master her voice that is soft and soothing when uttering the reality without too much illusion.

I had not heard about her before, and trying to fill in the gap, I run into Anna Friman's award-winning essay "Pornographers in black", about female pornographic eye in literature that Friman calls posh porn. It is a new generation of women authors who largely based on their own experience write about sex in a factual, most possibly authentic way. No frills, no romance. They get what they want and they decide. I realised I had had a first glimpse of this posh porn through Virginie Despentes' "King Kong Theorie" (2006), or even earlier with much more naive eye through her "Baise-moi" turned into a film in 1999 or 2000. More or less in the same year that Despentes' King Kong Theorie was published in France, Walsh' "Brass" came out in England and another similar work in line - Taming the Beast, by Australian author Emily Maguire. The Estonian own posh porn has recently come out as well - "Ahvid ja solidaarsus" by Maarja Kangro

Friman says that the pornographers in black have spoken. They have taken the violence, power, blood and bruises to its extreme end. It's empowering to play at our limits, to show the extreme way out of female stereotypes. But still no doubt that we crave for romance and are probably happy to go to the middle way after having shown what we can. When after the lunch with Walsh, I had been all excited to get her book, after Friman's article I thought I actually do not need the gloomy bloody reality in too big quantities. Besides, I am about to get the soft posh porn version with Maarja Kangro's book anyway.

Dancing, Bjork and Sex

2010-06-12T05:28:00.000-07:00

"Le sexe est la seule manière qu'ont les gens de se défouler. Ca, ou se saouler complètement." said Bjork. Can't find it in English and anyway it sounds too good in French. Saying that sex is the only way for people to get their head off their shoulders without using some vicious French machines. Adding that the other equal option of getting rid of heavy thinking is to get blind pissed.

Bjork's ways work of course, but then everyone has their own tips too. I get my kick out of mad dancing in crowded bars, I have a rage to dance away, a reckless pleasure of teasing, tormenting, turning around. I could go on forever... sad that yesterday's night disappeared in seconds. Must have been a double kick I guess dancing away with a sex shop man, haha.

...or still

2010-06-03T03:28:00.000-07:00

...scientific proof has emerged in the past few years that understanding sarcasm requires social intelligence lacking in people who've suffered damage to a section of the right brain known as the parahippocampal gyrus. Using videotaped exchanges and MRIs of the brain, Katherine P. Rankin, a neuropsychologist and assistant professor in the Memory and Aging Center at the University of California, San Francisco, conducted an Awareness of Social Inference Test to measure the brain reactions of people responding to words that are straightforward on paper but delivered sarcastically. She found that people suffering from a progressive brain disease known as semantic dementia failed to perceive sarcasm.

So perhaps should still indulge until having the wits for it...

Sarkasmi laituseks

2010-06-03T01:34:00.000-07:00

Sarkasm ei m6ju kortsudele hasti. Nii 10 aasta parast hakkab kindlalt valja paistma, kui uks suunurk viltu veab ja irooniline pilk klaasistub silmadesse. Nii et kaugele on naha - sarkastilist vanainimest kannatatakse valja ehk ainult siis, kui ta on just nii eksentrik, et teistel veel l6bus on.

Siiski, siiski... www.sarcasmsociety.com

Invisible

2010-05-07T10:20:00.000-07:00

Real life is too intensive. I need to disappear now and then. Not that they are real siestas. More of reading marathons, or attempts to steady my head after the intensive. At best I could go on at a steady pace besides a 1m90 Finnish man with square shoulders and jawline giving enough space and silence. ...I have updated my values once again.

Through I went of "invisible" on a night after sleepless Durham. He is eerie and gripping, Paul Auster. Good reason to get away from Real Life.

Positive touch...

2010-05-03T12:56:00.000-07:00

... Amazon brought me my first Paul Auster - The New York Triology. Happy with it, happy with just looking at the cover and typing away at the Excel tables.

Even if some people tend to be unfair, life in general is fair enough making its own justice.

Trust

2010-05-03T12:52:00.000-07:00

Lack of trust is killing any enterprise at the end; just like false expectations to have an army of soldiers to command.

Paul Auster and Randomness

2010-04-25T02:20:00.001-07:00

“The world is governed by chance. Randomness stalks us every day of our lives, and those lives can be taken from us at any moment — for no reason at all”.

Paul Auster writing about the unexpected, the random event, the black swan of Nassim Nicholas Taleb. Going with the flow as the best thing we can do since things seldom turn out as we planned and wished. For the belief in chance and for his good looks, I am getting his new novel "Invisible".

Utility of Facebook

2010-04-25T01:38:00.000-07:00

Dating enormously facilitated - no need for late evenings at the nightclubs or hours spent turning around the table of your colleague. On Sunday morning you fix it in your pyjamas with the first sip of your coffee.

Romantisme...

2010-04-20T05:33:00.000-07:00

After my reflections on how money does not impress me and how I cherish the romantic love (read "physical chemistry" with zero look at the bank accounts), my friend Bibi's reply:

Le romantisme on le trouve dans la douceur d'une vie bourgeoise. Les après-midi a se faire la manicure, la pédicure, les massages faites par de beaux mecs de 20 ans avec des bras musclés et le teint bronzé. Le romantisme siège aussi dans le confort d'une belle maison au Bahamas ou au Seychellesavec sauna, piscine, court de tennis. Ou encore dans les voyages à N.Y. juste pour le fun. Les restaurantes à la mode, les grands thêatres, l'opera, le moilleux des beaux habits.
Bibi, un homme riche est trop bon!!! Allez téléphone lui et dis lui que tu ne peux vivre sans lui. Il te manque comme l'air : c'est comme si tu avais la tête dans le volcan d'Islande.

Need for Negotiation Training

2010-04-14T13:49:00.000-07:00

It is damned easy to wear me down negotiating. Especially when it is difficult to see what exactly is being negotiated. I just get so bored, the best I manage to do is take a new banana to negotiate. You know, out of the blue. It baffles the other for a while, but then back again to the French style negotiation that something sweet, rosy and whipped-cream-with-strawberries like is coming tres bientot. You will never know what exactly and when exactly...

Anyway with an Estonian stubborness I will stick to my wish of 4-day working week wearing them out with "mon dieux, there she comes again with the same song". Une grande brute disons...

Pea ees vette palun

2010-04-12T11:54:00.000-07:00

La réflexion est l’ennemie de la réussite, au moment de l’action. C’est dans la spontanéité que nous réalisons des actes qui nous permettent de nous sentir bien dans notre peau.

Forgiveness

2010-04-11T01:44:00.000-07:00

"Forgiveness means giving up all hope of a better past."
-Landrum Bolling

Sunday Replay

2010-03-28T08:32:00.000-07:00

It happens that I have a Sunday CD. Just one, but well spotted and cherished on Sundays. Even if only its two first songs have the real Sunday feeling. Towa Tei "Last Century Modern".

"Dabadabadabadaah... dabadabadaah... my number is on the card... dabadabadaah.... ring... dadadadah..." It is about meeting someone on Saturday night and giving him your number, but then he never calls on Sunday. This classical story should be sad, but there is a French girl signing with a very soft and airy voice as if it were nothing. Towa Tei has cut the French song into pieces inserting some absurd dabadabadaaah-s and pretty straight forward "my number.... dabadabadaah... ring".

The sad thing with this CD is that it reminds me of the feeling I used to have about Sundays. The threat of Mondays, you know. Besides, this feeling dates back to long ago. I was not a big fan of going to school except for math classes and secondary school literature. And during the university if meant massive headaches and head rummaging after the two nights out. The failed phone calls included.

Now I have suddenly taken to Sundays. I love lying around doing nothing. Or actually doing loads of things but just what I feel like doing. So much that I forget about Mondays ahead.

Tellingutelt alla

2010-03-24T14:10:00.000-07:00

We did it :) Siuke ABC sealt, et taiesti tasub tellingutele ronida, isegi kui k6ne ei ole veel TM formaadis.

Ametiühingu tellingud

2010-03-23T06:54:00.000-07:00

P6him6tteliselt ei ole palju asju, mis mind tellingutele ajavad. Pigem selline manjaana tüüp olen v6i zen buddist, kes tahab loksuda sinna, kuhu lained parajasti viivad.

Aga nagu juba naistepäeval juttu oli, eba6iglus on kindel variant mind tellingutele lipuga vehkima saada. Kuna tööl on seda kraami üle keskmise prantslase valuläve saanud (meie kontori keskmise prantslase, mitte Pariisi überstreikijate;)), on bravuur juba täitsa soliidsed m66tmed v6tnud. Nii juhtus, et eelmisel nädalal leidsin ennast äkki ametiühingu esinaise rollis. Otsustasime ühiselt, et tuleb kasutada hetke, kui ülemused on suusaretkel ja valmistada ette programmk6ne ja miitingud. Ja siis tuli kelleltki see geniaalne idee, et mina peaks selle programmk6nega esinema. Eino muidugi olin ma liigutet ja k6rvust igatpidi upitet. Ainult äkki hakkas mul kohutavalt kahju, et ma Toastmastersid maha jätnud olin. Sest issand päris kaalukas k6ne ja veel keeles, mida ma siiani l6puni ei tunneta. Meetod prantslastelt prantslastele läbi eesti ruupori:) Muidugi eestipäraste otseütlemistega prantsusv6tmes draamast puudu ei tule. Aga ei ole ka vaja infarkti tööandjale onju... Homme selgub t6de.

Reality Report

2010-03-21T12:51:00.000-07:00

Found the reality well briefed in my horoscope. They can be so helpful sometimes :)

"Sentiments: tres idealiste, vous ne consentirer a craquer que si vous croisez un demi-dieu."

Oui-oui... hoping to run into loads of demi-gods next week.

Strong Words

2010-03-16T15:11:00.000-07:00

B said I am strong in words.

It was meant as a compliment, saying that I pin the right words on the right things. I really liked it, so much nicer than all this honey bunny talk. I hope he forgives me all the too strong words...

An Expert

2010-03-15T12:12:00.000-07:00

"... certain professionals, while believing they are experts, are in fact not. Based on their empirical record, they do not know more about their subject matter than the general population, but they are much better at narrating—or, worse, at smoking you with complicated mathematical models. They are also more likely to wear a tie."

Nassim Nicholas Taleb

A true definition of a nice share of Brussels experts:)

Tupik

2010-03-15T01:01:00.000-07:00

Jah, tupik. Miks mult uritatakse miskeid tundepuhanguid ja megavaimustust valja pressida. Ma ei teaaa veeeeeeel... Kitsas on.

Tupikumeister

2010-03-13T04:44:00.000-08:00

Enda v6imatutesse olukordadesse panemise mastermind olen… See on teada fantaseerimise vili – otsin riski ja siis spekuleerin, vat kui teeks nii, oleks p6nev naha, mis k6ik juhtuma hakkab. Kui juba selles sasipuntras olen, on ikka suht ebamugav. Lisaks tundub, et damned olengi ummikus ja valjapaasu ei ole. Tegelt piisab, kui keegi k6ige lihtsama tee poole viitab ja juba hingangi kergendatult.

Bof, week-end amoureux a Paris tekitabki sellise tunde. Kusjuures see amoureux on juba taiega ule forsseeritud ja mitte minu poolt. Ma tunnen ainult koolilapse elevust eelseisva klassiekskursiooni puhul. Lisaks kavatsen ma sellest oma riskiannuse katte saada ja lipsustet herr B k6ige karmimatesse urgastesse vedada.

Rich man

2010-03-11T14:07:00.000-08:00

Money does not impress me. How sad. I just need enough to survive and change apartments.

I should try and be more open-minded; it is not a handicap neither.

Or as C said, should update my values during the crisis.

Uberprantsusblog

2010-03-10T14:38:00.000-08:00

http://www.ioudgine.com/

uskumatult hea

Lillelisem

2010-03-09T07:46:00.000-08:00

Kiitus on peaaegu nagu j6ulupreemia vms.
Tana sain teada et "je bosse super bien".
Olen ajutiselt rahul maailmaga :)

Vajalik telefonik6ne

2010-03-08T13:58:00.000-08:00

... naistepäeva l6ppu.

Kurtsin, kuidas ma konfliktseks kipun, kui teine pool teeb vaga halba tööd... v6i uldse ei tee.

B utles, et tegelikult proovib iga inimene anda endast parima, aga v6ib juhtuda, et tal ei ole piisavalt infot, aega, eelteadmisi, koolitust ja mida k6ike veel, et asjaga hakkama saada. Igal juhul tuleb oma tiimi liikmetele laheneda selle suhtumisega, et nad pusivad nagu jaksavad. Ohh nii palju inimlikum lähenemine. Olen robotiks vist muutunud...

Naine?

2010-03-08T11:54:00.000-08:00

Selline päev täna muideks. Naistele. Maroko koristaja tuletas tööl meelde...

Siis sattusin msnis rääkima miski arhitektist ilueediga. Esimest korda, iial ei ole kohtunud. Ta kahtles l6puni, kas ma olen ikkagi naine. Saatsin talle uhe tuttava fotograafi tehtud megailusa brasiillanna pildi t6estuseks. Ta n6udis kull kohe uhist reisi Brasiiliasse, aga niipea kui ma jälle miskit ninatarka poetasin, kahtles minu soos.

Kuidas räägib naine? Palun?

Tööl ma ei viitsinud ka väga naine olla, vähemasti mitte prantsuse La Femme. P6hjamaist karmi Jägermeistri peal karastund mutti teen neile järjekindlalt. Mis hea pärast blondi naeratus teha, kui vastu tuleb miskit vaniljeautokuuse lääget teksti, mille tagam6te on "rohkem tööd ja vähem palka". Mais en France on a des manieres de tourner des phrases pour que ca soit plus doux... Aga ma ei taha midagi turneerida, mul juba käib pea ringi sellest keerutamisest... Eba6iglus ajab mind hauda... franchement.

Kusjuures see tekst ei kutsu naisi tellingutele les bra'sid p6letama... Suures koguses täiesti soovaba eba6iglust ärritab mind igal päeval, 8.märts v6i mitte.

Extraterrestide juurest tagasi maa peale

2010-02-27T14:50:00.000-08:00

Uute hulludega kohtumise tuhinas unustasin ara, et tegelt sain tana Markiga ka kokku. Jube tore oli teda naha ule pika aja. Aeg kadus joostes St Gillesi Rahvamaja Kohvikus:) Ja siis ta pidi juba oma daami 6htusoogile spurtima. Enivei, Markiga on see erakorraline tunne, et s6prus meestega on reaalsus.

String Theory

2010-02-27T13:33:00.000-08:00

I just got my first introduction into the String Theory. It is a theory in the field of Quantum Physics about vibrating strings that are the basis of everything making up atoms and electrons and bigger mountains with different vibrations. On the top of it I got the offer to write children short stories about the string theory. Too absurd I know. Brussels...

Lousy Fonctionnaire

2010-02-15T05:28:00.000-08:00

Is my EU official carreer doomed to disco??
The banned air carriers and DG Transport did not wish me... Why does it happen I never make the final shot? I get to do all the pre-pre and pre-interviews, but never pass the final one. You can't help musing what is wrong with my face and faculties...

To be continued...the musing

Provocative

2010-01-29T01:13:00.000-08:00

In recent years, the word provocative has been assigned a meaning similar to that of "offensive." Provocative clothing, provocative movies, and provocative music have all bolstered the rather narrow view of this versatile word. Provocative actually means anything that provokes -- whether that thing is irritating, erotic, stimulating, or even intellectually challenging.

Begin using the word provocative in the spirit of its intended meaning. Anything that provokes you to think, feel, or even become frustrated is provocative in its own right. Talk about the extremely provocative movie you watched about the life of a despondent prince -- throw in the misunderstood "titillating" for good measure as well. Friends and loved ones will sure be surprised when they realize you’ve been talking about Kenneth Branagh's production of Shakespeare's Hamlet. The words they might use in response are sure to be provocative as well.

YourDictionary

Infinity

2009-12-31T11:44:00.000-08:00

After some living done we come to realise what is finite, what is limited: our limited mind and body. Then comes the time when we have explored that far enough and it is time to regain our innate understanding of inifinite. To get out of the limits of the ordinary mind. Happy Year of Infinity!!:)

Des periods sourde-muets

2009-10-29T08:22:00.000-07:00

De temps en temps j'ai des periods meuts - j'arrete à parler, surtout en français, parce que j'ai l'impression que ça sert à rien et que tout le monde parle déjà trop. A quoi bon que quelqu'un y ajoute encore... En plus, c'est tellement pareil, toujours les memes phrases... bof, je sais que c'est mes propres phrases qui sont limités et pas forclement le monde autour. Et là j'ai encore moins envie de parler...

Si le period muet devient encore plus grave, je deviens une sourde-muette. En plus, j'arrete à ecouter. Dans une maniere bien blasée je me dit mais franchement, j'ai deja entendu tout ça... tout-tout et carrement ça me fait chier.. tout ça qu'on doit entendre. Ca m'agaçe comme le monde peut etre gris en ce moment là.

Je le dis aujourd'hui quand à parler semble beau, attirant, libérant, liant. Plutot génial pour sentir l'energie au bout des oreilles et apprecier les chateaux qu'on peut créer avec des mots. Comprende les autres aussi? Pas vraiment (c'est fou comme on peut pas comprendre les autres) mais plutot se sentir dans la meme energie, dans un motion des mots qui click. Je le dis pour pas oublier qu'il y aura encore des jours muets et sourd-muets. Surement.

Talking Stress

2009-10-24T05:52:00.000-07:00

Gelong Thubten was an ordinary twentysomething, Oxford-educated North Londoner until he took 12 months out to study Buddhism and resurfaced as an ordained monk, writes Times Onlines. Gelong comes to Brussels in November to talk about stress, how to keep it more or less behaving. First, I thought, well, another one... talking about stress and mind games, do I really need to be reminded all the time?! But then run into that Times article and it made me curious because it is describing him as sincere and simple... well even about stress. So it's decided, I will go and get some good wisdom from the stress clever monk.

Meanwhile some good Times wisdom too: Stress is the momentary failure to realise that nothing really matters that much.

Administreerimisorav

2009-10-19T12:37:00.000-07:00

Administreerimises on väge... sellist orav rattas energiat, mis iga keeruga uusi pöördeid v6tab ja l6puks sind aknast välja lennutada ähvardab. Natuke nagu poksiring - igale uuele meilile inboxis tuleb knockout teha... soovitavalt sobivas toonis.

Osad admimistreerimist v6tab aega ja kannatust ja kui orav seda rattas keerlemise pealt teha uritab, laheb suure tuulega pool paberit lendu. Järsku pidurdada on ka keeruline, sest siis on oht rattaga sinna pehmesse kohta saada. Siis tuleb ikkagi jooksu pealt vajalikku krahmata ja kui ratas l6puks hoogu maha v6tab, kuidagi kohe keskenduda. K6ige suurem kunst on kellegi teisega samas rattas paaris joosta v6i kolme ja neljakesi... enam-vähem samas tempos ja mitte ratta vahele jääda. Sellist tempot ules kruttida, et k6igil teistel paha hakkab, ka ei saa.

Heh, esialgu on ratas veel uus ja huvitav... ja kui orava silme ees Pavlovi v6i teiste tarkade teadlaste pilti hoida, siis v6tab ratas aga uusi tuure ules. Tarkade klubi huvanguks oraval juba joostud miilidest kahju ei ole. Ikkagi m6ttega tegevus... Tunduvalt rohkem kui eesistumise ministritalutusorava tegemised.

Dancing

2009-09-19T18:01:00.000-07:00

The age, the size, the race, the wealth, the good looks of a man in front of you do not matter if he can dance. There and then, without prejudices or afterthoughts. With abandon. I guess it is all about living in the moment. I wish it could happen more often...

Anna Karenina algus

2009-09-14T13:25:00.000-07:00

"All happy families resemble one another; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."

Arastasin selle just kellegi Toradze, Ameerikasse emigreerinud grusiini lehelt. Tegu ikka Tolstoy'ga aga ega mina ei teadnud. Toradze raagib, et 6nnetu olemine on alati erinev ja huvitav ja 6nn liiga lihtne. Nomaeita.

Sattusin sinna klaveri6petaja ja kommuunielu 6hutaja Toradze lehele, sest kirjutan raportit USA fondidest, mis toetavad Vene teadlasi. Tee mis tahad, ikka j6uad 6nne ja 6nnetuseni valja.. k6ik kusivad, ka raketiteadlased.

Should I talk or should I dance?

2009-09-08T13:10:00.001-07:00

...after my third speech at Toastmasters... which was slightly disasterous. Maybe should try and express myself by other means than verbal?

Beef

2009-09-05T11:08:00.000-07:00

...is bread of an anemic person. However little pleasure you get out of chewing it and in whatever sauce you serve it to deck it out, it remains beef. Highly unattractive. But since the piece of flesh is packed with iron, you close your eyes and order it both for lunch and dinner. Until you are sick of it as a dog.

Kontrollifriiklusest

2009-09-01T10:47:00.000-07:00

Tuleb ära l6petada teiste kontrollimine...

sest nad p6genevad meil niikuinii käest...

milles peitubki nende v6lu.

Kesköised süüdimatud spekulatsioonid

2009-08-28T14:06:00.001-07:00

Kas ma v6iks kutsuda Eric l'Alcoholique la Blanchi Brusselisse esinema..? Nu kuhugi urkasse, mitte Botanikku - ta lihtsalt sobib urkasse paremini.

No tegelikult ma juba küsisin, millal ta tuleb. Ta arvas, et järgmise aasta algul. Mhh, selleks ajaks olen ma endale juba uue kultuspissartisti leidnud. Kuidagi oleks vaja, et ta kohe tuleks.

Olla v6i mitte olla küsimus on tegelt selles, et kui midagi väga tahta ja hullult v6imelda, kas me siis alati saame...kirsid?

Ah lähen parem 6ue, muidu tulevad mingid uued hullud piss-ideed...

V6tan s6nad tagasi

2009-08-28T13:09:00.000-07:00

Kirjutasin täna orjapidajatega, kes tegelikult ei ole orjapidajad, tähtajatule lepingule alla. Nii et seon ennast nendega kohe kauemaks. Ütleme, et liialdasin algul väheke ja m6istsin neid liiga karmilt hukka. Kuigi mingi osa minust usub siiani, et oma paduküüniku suhtumise ja betoonmüürusaldamatusega muutsin mingil määral ka nende suhtumist... sest alguse tööjutud ju jäävad. Igal juhul usun nüüd enese maksma panemise v6luj6udu.

Samas olen ikka tänulik ka sellele seltskonnale, kes mu tujud ning kahe töökoha ja G otsatu tähelepanuvajaduse vahel hulluks minemise vapralt üle suutsid elada ja sinisilmselt minusse usuvad ja mulle lillelisi tulevikuplaane maalivad.

Loo moraal on Kurjuselaul Nukitsamehest:)

Kurjus on ilmas, headus on ilmas
Pahad on pahad ja head on head
Viha on ilmas, õelus on ilmas
Võibolla pahad on hoopis head

Kurjus on ilmas jah headus on ilmas
Pahad on pahad ja head on head
Viha on ilmas, õelus on ilmas
Võibolla pahad on hoopis head

Ilma heata poleks kurja..
Kurjata ei oleks head
Kuri mõte läheks nurja
kui oleks ainult hea.
Kurjus kuulub siia ilma
Samuti kui headus
Kurjadena ilmast ilma
See on elu seadus

Home DYI Projects

2009-08-27T05:11:00.000-07:00

We have 3 great home decoration projects with Jenny.

The first one has already been carried out. We turned our empty cold concrete balcony into a green and flowery jungle. With two completely mad and unknown species of green trees sticking out of the rest of the greenery.

The second one is a special corner of sex books... because yesterday Jenny came home with 5 books on becoming a hot stuff sex devil or making fantastic love 24h in a row or sth like that. She had ordered from Amazon to do her research on the subject. I vaguely remembered I should have two of such books hidden under the bed, too. So makes up a solid library. Needs only a special dedicated red book shelf with black leather whips hanging down from its sides and a dildo on the top of it.

The idea of the third project came up this morning when Jenny asked me for Aspirin pills and I did not have them. It happens often, we ask for pills we never have. Actually we do not have any pills in the house besides my iron capsules. Hence the project to find a neat first-aid box and fill it with all kind of impossible but probably useful pills. Then we could hang it next to our red book shelf so that they would mutually enhance each others best qualities.

PS So much said, THE pills then have to go to the book shelf I guess. To be decided...

CD of a Tender Cynic

2009-08-20T02:55:00.000-07:00

So I finally got the CD of someone who is so pleasantly cynic in his lyrics that it warms the heart. I hope he comes to Brussels one day to give a concert. Eric la Blanche...

La Blanche - Alcoolique

2009-08-20T02:47:00.000-07:00

C'est encore la nouba ce soir
Pas moyen d'arreter de boire
J'veux pas rester a la maison
A regarder ma boite a cons
J'veux mieux une Cirrhose hépatique
Qu'un cancer du sens critique
Je prefere les seins blancs des filles
A toutes les soirées en famille

Promis ce soir je n'en bois qu'un
Ou alors deux, ou alors plein
Mais peut etre que ce serait bien
Mieux si je ne prometais rien
J'abuse avec modération
Carpe diem et mort aux cons
Experimenter les limites
C'est ma posture philosophique

[refrain]
Alcoolique, alcoolique
Si le monde etait moins decevant
Je boirais moins beaucoup souvent
Alcoolique, alcoolique
Si la vie etait moins tragique
Je ne serais pas alcoolique

Il y a une bombe atomique
Qui m'fixe, l'air extatique
Elle a du reperer l'odeur:
Je sens l'homme moderne en chaleur
Je devrais etre pris de panique
Heureusement je suis alcoolique
Alors je reste flegmatique
Et je lui lance un regard cosmique

Je plonge en son âme intrinsèque
et j’enflamme la discothèque
D’un pas de danse un peu mystique
Shaolin et funky
Elle admire mon assurance,
mon sex-appeal la met en transe
Je le suppute, elle est séduite :
déjà la volupté l’habite

[refrain]

Alcoolique, alcoolique
Si le monde était moins marrant,
je boirais moins beaucoup souvent
Alcoolique, alcoolique
Si la vie était moins comique,
je ne serais pas alcoolique

Je l’aborde d’un air angélique
et puis l‘on boit un gin-tonic
Et puis une vodka-tonic
et puis un n’importe quoi tonic
Qu’importe le futur quand on aime vivre vite ?

« Parce que je le vaux bien »

J’ai la tête comme un spoutnik,
les cernes de l’inspecteur Derrick
Et une haleine antiseptique
mais je brûle comme un four en brique
Ça me perturbe la phonétique,
me cause quelques soucis d’optique
mais c’est quand même assez pratique
pour chauffer les filles sympathiques

[refrain]

Alcoolique, alcoolique
Si le monde était plus différent,
je boirais moins beaucoup souvent
Alcoolique, alcoolique
Si les choses étaient moins identiques,
je ne serais pas alcoolique

Café à l'eau de vie

2009-08-18T15:17:00.000-07:00

On 6htuid kus on muhedaid jutuajamisi...

On portugali baare, kus antakse lahkelt cafe a l'eau de vie'd euro kaheksakumne eest...

Avameelselt Abielust:)

2009-08-17T05:05:00.000-07:00

"...The mate for the wildish woman is the one who has a soulful tenacity and endurance, one who can send his own instinctual nature to peek under the tent of a woman's soul-life and comprehend what he sees and hears there. The good match is the man who keeps returning to try to understand, who does not let himself be deterred by the sideshows on the road..."

"The fact that both the handless maiden and the king suffer through the same seven-year-long initiation is the common ground between feminine and masculine. It gives us a strong idea that instead of antagonism between these two forces, there can be profound love, especially if it is rooted in the seeking of one's own self."

Mis muud kui Estes'i tarkvara

Liberty of Contradictions

2009-08-16T13:50:00.000-07:00

What I like about the French is their total freedom of contradictions - you may say one thing and next minute you may be defending its perfect opposite. Of course, in too big quantities it is difficult to digest, but mostly it contributes to a nice creative atmosphere.

So on Tuesday I said a categorical NO to the stereotypes and today I paid a tribute to the stereotype of... Italians. Just because I had one in front of me and I felt an urge to be murderously honest with him. Saying that Estonians have so many hard-core stereotypes of Italians that we just can't take them seriously. And then listing the worst ones. Well, he was slightly taken aback.

Euh, then I started feeling sorry for him because he was only 20-something and more of a sensitive macho bastard. So I ended up giving him girl advice and saying that on no account should he change to please women. Here we come, so little solidarity with the women-race from my side. Anyway I have no intention to become an underage love coach or something...

Kuidas teha kannatustest piss-arti

2009-08-15T14:29:00.000-07:00

Olen Estesi huntidega jooksvate naiste raamatu lummuses. Uskumatult 6igel ajal tuli see tarkus.

Eelviimane peatükk on armidest, mis tekivad katsumustest, kannatustest. Armid tekivad haavade asemele ainult siis, kui oskad andeks anda ja ei kanna igasugu kahtlast mammonat endaga pidevalt kaasas. Estes soovitab teha endale nukk, skulptuur v6i tükk piss-arti, kuhu on k6ik rasked üleelamised, aga ka nendega seotud v6idud sisse kirjutatud. Vaatasin omad m66nad kriitilise pilguga üle ja 10 täitsa korralikku juppi saaks piss-arti tarvis. Mis muud kui meisterdama...

Moodsa aja löök allapoole vööd

2009-08-13T13:42:00.000-07:00

Mis on siis see tänapäevane viimane labidahoop?

Et sind kustutatakse Facebooki sõprade ridadest.

Ma ei teadnudki, et siuke nupp eksisteerib. Sina vehid ja nõuad raamatuid postkasti. Teisel poolel on vaja ainult hiiresilitust. Ehhee, aga ennem pidi ikkagi raamatu postkasti tassima. Ma märkasin kadumist ridadest alles siis, kui tekkis miski taltsutamatu tung stalkerdama minna.

Väga pidulik igastahes.

Le cynisme est une de tes qualités?

2009-08-12T07:30:00.000-07:00

Le cynisme, c'est une protection de la tendresse.

Toasted by Toast Masters

2009-08-12T06:41:00.000-07:00

I survived the second speech:)
Without nervous breakdown and everything. Well as there was such a mess with the whole evening it came out I had to do my speech the first thing right when the meeting started. No time to panick.

Lucky me, I got a fair and square evaluation by an old American man, super distinguished toast master. He was quite right about the ending asking where was the last mortal kick?! The thing was that I made quite a critical and ironic speech about the stereotypes of Eastern Europeans that the Wesern Europeans often have and that it is so extremely annoying to prove every time that you are not a camel. So you can imagine the faces... as I imagined those faces already at home, I thought that I should somehow soften up the ending. So I added things like, poor you, you have probably suffered too from the Irish old drunk stereotypes. And put at the end all very encouraging Sting's song words: And be yourself no matter what they say. The American super TM said it was out of place... that he was dissapointed. Well, he had every reason to be, but I can't bring the anger of my whole TM club on myself.

A Little Bit More Conviction

2009-08-03T13:16:00.000-07:00

If I do or promise to do things out of conventional and comfortable social/moral norms or absurd self-imposed limits, I should make the effort to write down why I decided to do it in the first place. Because in a week or so I have forgotten it and start hesitating and worrying what may the other see as the reason behind. While it does not matter, at least not so much. It's my own conviction that counts. Not a random change of wind.

Neither do I defend my conviction in front of the other. I rather put the breakout from the "approved" patterns down to a whimsical mood. Such a hypocrite! Too much hypocritical légerté...

Unenäod - überrealism

2009-07-30T01:46:00.000-07:00

Rääkisime eile Chatelaini platsil keset kapsast, kaalikat ja saksa veini unenägudest.

Mina ei mäleta enamasti midagi, isegi kui hommikul ärgates tean, et terve öö toimus action. Natuke masendav, kui m6elda, mis suurt tarkust unenägudest k6ik valja lugeda lubatakse. Täna hommikul pingutasin ennastunustavalt, et meelde tuletada, mis siis öösel toimus. Ja päris uskumatu lugu - täielik überrealism need minu unenäod. Ei mingeid lilli, pilvi ega lohemadusid, hoopis Ultim Atom, k6ik tuttavad näod, vargad jms. Milleks mulle vaja argipäeva kordusülekannet?! Palun palme, lillasid koeri, Gaudi maju ja piss-artiste Kolmandalt planeedilt!

Manjaana

2009-07-22T07:32:00.000-07:00

Lisaks otsustasin, et ei viitsi p6deda oma plantaatori mentaliteediga ulemuste parast. Teen nigu tahan ja nii targalt nigu arvan ja olen 6nnelik. Vahel lasen suudimatult valja paista, et orjapidamise ametlik l6pp oli 1860 ja ei tasu teeselda nagu oleks nad k6ik see aeg uinuva kaunitarina suikunud.

Kadunud poja tagasitulek

2009-07-22T07:24:00.000-07:00

No bueno, just selgus, et Houellebecq tuleb mu juurde tagasi:)

Two Books

2009-07-21T12:36:00.000-07:00

I have to get my hands on two books right now.

First I hope to get back my cherished Houellebecq's "Platforme", which is such a cynic book that you need special times in your life to read it. Even though I am in far too high moods to open it, the need to get it back is almost symbolic.

Who is Houllebecq? A French philosopher, 51, not too enthusiastic about human race, has constant media fights with his 80 something mother, a writer too, who declares she hates the only child she ever had. The New Yorker says: "The usual Houellebecq hero... presents himself in one of two guises: a desolate loner consumed by boredom and apathy, or a galvanized male porn star". Bref, Platforme is my book noir.

The other one, for the future, is "Women Who Run With the Wolves" by Clarissa Pinkola Estés. They say it's an obligatory book for every woman friendly human being. Gives you the Baba Yaga spirit:) It looks pretty bad to take a woman loving book after a man hatred one, doesn't it? I'd rather take it as a free ride from misogyne times to altruist ones:)

Baba Jaga

2009-07-20T08:11:00.000-07:00

Piduuuu!!! Blogger lubab l6puks ometi teha kopi-peist. Nii ma seda ara kasutasingi, et peistida siia igasugu googli tarkust Baba Jagaast:)

BABA YAGA is a representation of the wild woman archetype. She is the wildish nature that gives us the knife of insight, the flame of passion, the courage to see, and the voice to speak our truth.

Baba Yaga reminds us to express the fullest aspect of ourselves and not limit our bodies or our minds to 'approved' sensations and thoughts. When we are true to ourselves and have clearly expressed boundaries we are more able to express our truths and in doing so we help the people around us to honor those truths.

Clarissa Pinkola Estes says, she is the “Wild Hag,” which sounds like a pejorative, yet, it carries the meaning of being wise and having “joyous and wild life force.” It is the opposite of that which “creeps up on us till we have a routine life, and a lifeless life without our really meaning to.”
Once women realize they are living in the mundane, the mediocre, it is time to recover. It is time to recover and face the formidable power within oneself that causes us to be “alive, bursting with enthusiasm, with joyous life.”

Piss artist jatkuuu...

2009-07-17T03:44:00.000-07:00

As I've taken as my mission to conclude all open ends this year, I can't leave piss-artists in the air, can I?

It's just that I met our street's piss artist yesterday evening... He is one of the most authentic piss artists I have ever met. He could be well attached as a live example to all the dictionary entries "piss-artist". When I met him he was just busy with drawing attention to him... cycling with his dust bin that was madly banging against the metal of his bike. He thought it's a good way of making friends... No, he is not nuts. He was just being ironic about himself. One of those rare French who can do it. He is quite intelligent, but so much of a piss-artist that Real Life completely overwhelmes him. Another bill in the post box or a broken car is nearly worth a suicide... He had just come back from London where he said he could finally breathe. His electric green shirt was still in the free spirit of London. The only trouble was that British women didn't seem to be so much into him.

Then he started probing about my love life. Well, I told him a bit since I thought one piss artist's view on another piss artist's pissful behaviour might come handy. I didn't get much enlightenment. We only started discussing the Mother stuff because probably it's something that touches him too. Anyway, he is really such a genuine piss artist case that even his psychologist has given up. He can be very funny too, but after half an hour you feel you've had your dose of piss artists for a few months again.

Paev sai paikest tais

2009-07-10T00:38:00.000-07:00

Kohtad eestlast. Kohas, kus ei peaks tingimata. Oled veel rohkem ullatunud, kui ta kusib teise lausena, kas tahad hakata ta Brusseli eestlaseks. No kellekski, kellega saab iga kord siin kohvile minna. Ja siis saad tagatipuks jargmine hommik meili "tere sarav inimene". V6tab peaaegu jalust n6rgaks ja annabki soovi sarada:)

Kurjad kahtlused

2009-07-01T11:44:00.000-07:00

Kahtlustan, et olen sattunud diskreetsete orjapidajate juurde...

Estonia and Work

2009-06-29T14:18:00.000-07:00

Sorry to skip the piss-artists for a while, but I need some space for fresh impressions from Estonia...

My country reminded me again that you actually have to work in life, plough all sweat and tears in its fields. Why?? Nothing new - because it really is a way of self-realisation and achieving your dreams; besides, it gives some sense to that strange thing called life.

I had this old wisdom revisited running into an old PFUE colleague on the escalator of a department store. Of course, we started talking work in Estonia and work in France. Ouf, quite a difference! But at the same time I can't help thinking that we adore the word "work" while the French rather avoid it. Because they, too, can work quite hard to create their art de vivre and maintain the smooth flow of intensive conversation. Only the impression has to be lightness, not work.

Now I got carried away, but I was struck by one phrase. I said, I don't want to work in great quantities any more, I feel like running away or fighting back when I see too much work approaching. But she replied, well, too little is not good neither, you need enough work to keep you passionate about it. Simple truths...

Piss-Artist

2009-06-22T14:12:00.000-07:00

There has been so much talk about piss-artists lately and so many piss-artists around that can't help talking piss-artists again. Besides, living in the town with the piss-artist as a symbol (yep, the Manneken), should have actually been explicit on the phenomenon already before.

Once you get to the dictionaries trying to find out who's that piss-artist, they give you something rather gross. Well, it's true it can be an old drunk, but it can be much more sophisticated or quite literal too. An unstable time waster, a video installation artist, a 100% piss artist like Jaan Toomik, a poet with a broken heart... Anyone with a (too?) tender heart to take all the piss of everyday life and then giving piss out for it. Literally or artificially. It's all fine, they are often beautiful souls, only have to be careful not to get their piss...

I'm not sure if I want to meet them again, but then feel attracted to them too. Euh, I'm too tired to talk about them right now. To be continued...

Iluv6lu-iluvalu

2009-06-17T12:54:00.000-07:00

Kas ilusale antakse rohkem andeks? JAH, milles uldse kusimus. Kui see ilu just paris 6el ei ole. Kas ilu v6tab p6lvist nii n6rgaks, et pealiskaudsust seal taga ei nae? No ikka jah. Mingi aeg kull aimad edevust, aga see ei sega, sest silmal on nii palju r66mu.

Kaua veel v6ib ilusa 6nge minna? Ikka ja aina uuesti, sest n6rk olen. 6nneks vanusega avastad ilu taitesti ootamatutes kohtades ja kui ilu kiht on liiga 6huke, siis ikka 6nge ei lahe ka.

Sugav 6el ilu on k6ige saatuslikum, uldse ei saa aru, kui juba kettipidi kuhugi naelutatud oled.

Taiesti eba6iglaselt eba6iglane ilus maailm.

Prantsusulemus prantslastest

2009-06-13T06:33:00.000-07:00

Tahan kohe kauemaks prantsusulemust, kes tunnistab, et prantslased on uks fucked-upimaid rahvusi, kes tarbib kilode kaupa antidepressante ja piinleb jarjekordse nervoosi kaes. Ja lisab, et peale Brusselisse tulemist kadus tal igasugune tahtmine uuesti Prantsusmaal tootada.

Ometi oskab ta sellest nii v6luvalt raakida... nagu ainult prantslased oskavad.

Kahjuks on ka nende nervoos aeg-ajalt charmant... kuigi vaikestes kogustes palun.

Cymru Vihm

2009-06-08T13:52:00.001-07:00

Uks nadalavahetus keset rohelusse uppuvat Walesi kula. Vihm, vihm... Kirik, millest saanud elumaja. Veinisena naerukrampides keset kabelip6randat. Endine kabel nagi kull paris elutuba valja. Liiga l6bus, liiga ilus, liiga tundlik.

Teine paev ikka see vihm. Naabrikoer, laika, hiiglamasuur, aga vaga s6bralik. Jagas k6ike meiega, nii vahvleid kui tomatit. Hiljem segas oma suure kerega ainult hingematvat vaadet rohelistele magedele. Aga ma ikka ultesin talle headaega ara tulles.

Nii t6sised jutuajamised, et tahaks p6geneda. Aga peale eufooriat vist tulebki matusemeeleolu. Eriti kabelis. Manipuleerimist ka taiega. 6htul kula esindusk6rtsis oli jalle l6bus ja koerad s6brad, baaridaami jaoks olime m6lemad "my love". No tore, ma ei maletagi, millal mulle viimati oeldi "good bye, my love".

Ara tulla oli nii raske, 6igemini see millest raakisime muutus aina raskemaks. Ja ma ei oska meeste pisaratega midagi teha... Vihm.

Come What May Song

2009-06-01T07:12:00.000-07:00

Brenda Fassie "Nomakanjani" to dance like come-what-may.

Siitpeale teine lugu mu olgu-mis-oli-ja-tulgu-mis-tuleb top10 listis. kohe peale "Je ne regrette rien"'i:)

24...

2009-05-31T11:01:00.000-07:00

...viimast tundi maratonil. Edasi ma kas armastan palavalt v6i vihkan kogu hingest k6iki vennasvabariike. Siuke love-hatred suhe nende teadusega. Tegelt on ikka siiber ka, sest UNESCO Data Centre'i teaduskulutuste GDP protsent ja CIA World Factbooki statistika tuleb kogu aeg samast kohast. Vahepeal ma muidugi kaldun teemast k6rvale ja lahen Eesti AIDSihaigete protsenti seal CIA lehel uurima vms. Swazilandist me esialgu jaame maha, aga nii kui Aafrikast valja saad, olemegi Ukraina jarel teisel kohal, kenasti Thai ja Eritrea vahel.

Aga l6bus on lugeda vennasvabariikide ELi National Contact Pointide kokkuv6tteid oma teaduse kohta. Ma v6in juba NCPid omakorda ara liigitada. No teha valimaaraja vms. Uldselt on neid 3 liiki: statistikud, kes panevad ainult tabeleid, isegi mitte graafikuid, puhtalt numbreid pungil tabeleid ja siis kommentaariks kirjutavad "Vot tak!". Teine liik on suured pessimistid, kes utlevad, et toimub ainult lagunemine, kaos ja troostitu tulevik, et keegi ei tee midagi ja midagi ei ole. Moned uksikud filosoof-pessimistid valja arvatud, on see k6ige raskem keiss, sest pead ise hakkama sealt mitte millestki midagi ehitama. Kolmandad on teinud EC strateegiadokkidest kopi-peist ja raagivad utoopia-vormis, kuidas neil ka kohe k6ik nii toimuma hakkab. Aga mis tegelt toimub, v6ta jalle kinni. ...eks ma liialdan ka, ikka 24 viimast tundi.

Minu lemmikud on filosoof-pessimistid, nende teadusprofiilid on peaaegu nagu ilukirjandus ja tumedate varvide taga naed aeg-ajalt tegelikkust ka.

Sydamega Stahhaanovlane

2009-05-30T01:56:00.000-07:00

Juhtus nii, et keset uht karmimat Stahhaanovtrippi, mis on kestnud juba enam kui kuu ja viimane nadal taiesti kaest ara lainud ca 3 tunni unega, tuli keegi kulla. Eile sudaool gare de midisse vastu minnes m6tlesin, et issaaand, ise olen kokku kukkumas ja siis vaja veel kulalistega jannata.

Aga siis tuli kulaline ja suda laks 6igesse kohta ja isegi jatkuv Stahhaanovlastrip tundus taiesti talutav. Inimesed on ilusad.

http://www.lemonde.fr/livres/article/2009/05/14/la-colline-du-voleur-d-a-h-tammsaare-un-zola-estonien_1192857_3260.html

2009-05-24T09:19:00.000-07:00

"La Colline de Voleur" et selgitada prantslastele, mis on eestlaste l'art de vivre.

Raamat on Filigransis taiesti olemas.

Töövõit

2009-05-24T03:19:00.000-07:00

Oleksin nagu just laekunud labiraakimistelt terroristidega. Aga hakkama sain ja taiegaa. Loo moraal on, et hulludega tuleb raakida ja kusjuures v6ib ka loogiliselt.

Vahem draamat!

2009-05-23T18:00:00.000-07:00

Jumala eest! Miks 6elda, et k6ik on nii halvasti, et siis 6elda, et tegelikult ei ole?! Et laske ma kogun oma m6tteid ja utlen uuesti. Aga draama on selle aja sees mulle pahe juba augu uuristanud, fuck!

Coldness...Kindness

2009-05-17T13:00:00.000-07:00

You're a kind person,

You're a cold person too,

It's down to you,

It all comes down to you.

(Stolen from Joni Mitchell)

Kummelitee

2009-05-13T11:28:00.000-07:00

Ma ei teadnudki, et ka kummeliteest v6ib ennast ules keerata. Et naed sa ei v6tnud kummeliteed, et peale esimese toastmastersi k6ne eufooriat maha rahuneda ja mitte keskoiseid p6genemiskatseid komplunnida.

Liiga naljakas, et vihastada.

I Don't Wonna Work too Hard

2009-05-12T02:13:00.000-07:00

said Donna Summer:)

Me neither.

She said it about love. About love for money too. I quite agree, with or without money:)

But besides love, I don't want to work too hard literally:( I'd like to live the way this nice singing Irishman does:

I don't work for a living,

I get along allright without,

I don't toil all day,

I suppose it's because I'm not built that way.

Some people work for love,

They say it's all sunshine and gain,

But if I can't get sunshine without any work,

I'd rather stay out in the rain.

The Irishman's song will be abused for my Toastmaster's first speech today. I'll definitely die by the end of the evening regretting before having worked too much in my life.

Other People's Lives

2009-05-09T07:45:00.000-07:00

Interesting and intriguing... And it's not nosy to want to know because they make you want to live your own to full swing. Taking the good bits and pieces of theirs.

We talked couples... dear Mmmm saying that there are the routine and adventure couples. The ones that take the full responsibilities, take it seriously, face the everyday Pampers and pimples. The others take it high-flown, want only full make-up and Crocodile Dundee traps, but escape as soon as the "serious" creeps in. But there should exist something in between?! Pimples covered with full make-up and pampered Crocodile Dundee? Well, yes... I've seen those too, they do exist.

Should only have the courage to live up...oh, no kitsch and warn out shit, please!!

Neurosis

2009-05-07T06:11:00.000-07:00

Why in the middle of heavy-weight happiness there is such a need to destroy, to fuck up as much as possible?! Where does it come from? That's probably the Gros Bebe throwing into your face the spoon and rest of it and still asking to be loved. Inconditionally. Makes me sick... I make myself sick.

Lemmikkompliment

2009-04-27T16:21:00.000-07:00

Ma vaatasin sind nagu vana pervert.

6nn

2009-04-20T04:02:00.000-07:00

aeg-ajalt ikka juhtub, et rahas peitub 6nn. et lucky goes happy fortise arve numbreid vaadates.

Järveprintsess

2009-04-17T02:16:00.000-07:00

No niiiii armas, aga niii l6bus ka. Eriti kui oled keset vene teadust ja tuumareaktoreid. Jenny arvas, et ma v6iksin Facebookis avalikult teatada, mis nimega mind edaspidi kutsuda tuleb. Aaga ei saa niii julm ka olla. Lisaks naeks see vaga skisofreeniline valja peale seda, kui seal hiljuti valja kaisin, et olen tuumafuusik ja kosmonaut. Tuleb ikka imago peale moelda.

Skeptiline naine.